Thursday, August 27, 2015

Rejections and disappointments

Disappointments are a part of life. Just as bravery is not the absence of fear but your ability to suppress it, success is not the absence of disappointments. It is your ability to bounce back again each time you fail - or fall.

I had my share of rejections and disappointments. I will list down only some ten percent of my lows in life here. The other ninety percent? There were not even worth the space in my memory.
Be like a Bobo doll, everytime it is hit and
it falls, it bounces back smiling

At 5, I was denied admission to Tashigang Dzong to become a novice monk. Otherwise by now I would have become Dorji Lopon instead of remaining as Dorji Wangchuk. :)

At 7, I was rejected by Don Bosco School (Kharbandi). I entered a year later after Her Royal Highness Princess Dechen Wangmo Wangchuck granted me a kasho. Sometime God appears as a princess. (I named my second daughter after her, incase I forget her kindness. I am absent-minded).

At 16, when I was about to appear for my ICSE, my paternal uncle who was to send me to a medical school was killed in an accident. My dream to become a doctor came to a dead end. Instead of Shillong, I suddenly found myself sent to a plywood factory in Phuntsholing by the Directorate of Manpower to work as an operator helper. I cried every night I got home after work.

At 18, the love of my life went with another man. Poor soul (she!)

At 20, I got rejected by Druk Air. I wanted to be a pilot or an aviation engineer. To add to the injury, someone got in my place.

At 26, while I was away and still doing my university studies my mother passed away after a long illness. My world crashed in front of me. I was not only devastated, I was close to depression and lost a year recovering and nearly missed my graduation quota.

In my professional career I was killed many times (for details, read my memoir when it comes out). I was passed over for promotion several times. I was sidelined. Everything doable within human limits was done to me. But I kept smiling and everytime I reinvented myself. From being the chief engineer, I chose to become a simple television producer. That's why I said at the Mountain Echoes 2015 that life is not linear; sometimes you have to take a lateral route. Sometimes you need walk backwards to launch forward. 

I even had to resign from an organization (BBS) that I had built with few others. There wasn't even a simple tea party for my departure after serving there for 20 years. There wasn't for other pioneers either. Can you imagine, how disappointing can that be? But again, I bounced back becoming a journalist and made a name for myself as a columnist for Bhutan Times - nation's first private newspaper.

Then finally when I thought that I was done with all my bad Karmas; when I was at the peak of my career, fate knocked on my door and said, "wait we are not done with you". In a a minor scuffle in front of my house someone nearly killed my wife - accidently. I spent a month in the hospital and almost six months thereafter nursing her back to health. The months following the accident were some of the most difficult periods in my life. I felt defeated, destroyed and dejected - all at the same time. For the first time I found hell. But as Churchill once put it, if you are going through hell, keep going. What else could I do? I kept going. On the flipside that whole incident made me strong. Nothing scares me now. In fact I cherish every person I meet or work with, every opportunity that comes around and every day that I wake up. Being to hell and back, I tell you, is a great way to appreciate simple things in life - things like just being alive.   

So if people think that I had a smooth, seamless and illustrous career, it was absolutely not the case. It is just that I don’t talk about it or brag about it; and I don’t even think about it at all. More importantly, I keep bouncing back like the bobo doll. I keep reinventing myself. I have not only done that, I have even thrived in every new profession that I ventured into - from engineering to filmmaking to journalism to teaching.

If there is something that I have learnt about life, it is that it goes on. 

So keep falling. Keep bouncing back with a smile. 

As for me, to put it alla Decartes, I think. Therefore, I am (a bobo doll).

Saturday, July 25, 2015

So again, what's in a name?

My village, Pam in Trashigang, was, according to one version of the story, founded by my paternal great grandfather, Tashi Tshering, who built a house that still stands today. The house was referred to as Tsogoen Phai (loosely translated as the Main House-Family). The house is now inherited by my distant uncles and cousins. Over time, the name received further alteration and is now locally called Tsoram Phai.

In front of Tsogoen Phai in Pam (before the village disappears)
Tashi Tshering came from Kurtoe Sukbee after he was appointed as Trashigang Nyerchen and when he eventually retired he built a house and called the place Pam, which in Kurtoep means temporary village. In time, people from Rangshikhar also used the area above Pam (now called Tabteng) as pasture for their cattle. In time some also settled there. So everyone in Pam today trace their origins to the Tsogoen Phai or to Rangshikhar. I am related to both as my paternal grandfather, Memay Jigme, came from Tabteng while paternal grandmother, Abi Sonam, was the youngest daughter of nyerchen Tashi Tshering.

While my family and I have not inherited the ancestral house, we have retained the family’s traditional responsibility of conducting an annual ceremony in the main temple of Trashigang Dzong. The community of Pam on the other hand, since time immemorial, makes annual offerings to the local deity of Trashigang Dzong before every plantation season.

This is the story of my village. The story will, however, soon become history with the recent decision by the government to absorb Pam into Trashigang Thromde (township). The move will not only change the physical landscape of the village. It will erase the history, alter the traditions, kill the culture and create endless familial disharmony.

As a final nail in the coffin, two new names have been given to the village, Pam-Maed and Pam-Toed, which are historically incorrect and linguistically insane. For, Pam, as I have mentioned above is neither a Dzongkha word nor a Sharchop phrase but is derived from Kurtoep.

So again, What's in a name? Well, you don’t just change a name of a place. You eventually throw away your history. You lose your past and ultimately you will lose your character - as an individual, as a community and as a nation.

It seems, though, these things really don’t matter much to people nowadays, except to some rural nostalgic like me.

(Pam-Maed is actually called Pam Lham Phra. Lham Phra means "below the footpath" because the traditional mule track between Upper and Lower Trashigang used to cut right through the village)

Thursday, September 11, 2014

More than thousand words

If a picture can speak a thousand words, then video should do more. Here's me walking from one class to another in Sherubtse College - on any given day.

Ever since I landed here exactly one year back, there has never been a day that I regretted leaving a high-profile life in Thimphu for a modest job of a temporary teacher in the remotest corner of Bhutan.


Friday, August 1, 2014

Happiness is a place in your heart

There is something from my childhood that I remember of my late paternal grandfather. He was a classic Sharchokpa village man. Every evening we had to go and look for him and find him in different places. He would have walked away during the day to look for some Ara (Bhutanese sake) and to look for someone to chat with. Wherever we found him, he would be there, on the floor, with people around him, happily chatting away, little tipsy but extremely content and happy.

I think I have inherited some of his genes although he was not my biological grandfather. I have perfected the art of being content wherever I am - whether it is in Thimphu, Kanglung or San Francisco.

I am in Delhi now and relishing the few days I have in this city - wading through book stores, visiting some cultural events at the Habitat Centre/IIIC and having coffee meets in Khan Market with my friends from the Indian media and universities.

In other words, wherever I am, chances are you would find me happily chatting away and, of course, very content - minus the Ara, obviously.

The secret, I guess, is that true happiness is a place in your heart, which obviously travels with you and you will find peace, love and happiness wherever you go.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Silicon Valley

Silicon Valley is actually not a valley as such but a small area in South San Francisco Bay created by Stanford University around its campus. The Valley registered an annual GDP of $200 billion in 2013, which would be the combined GDPs of the poorest 45 countries in the World.

What is interesting, and also inspiring, is that this bustling area of ideas, innovations and iPhones was a vision of one simple man - Frederick Terman who was the dean of engineering at Stanford in the 1950s. All the super dot com companies, except for Microsoft (Seattle), IBM (New Jersey) and Compaq (Texas), are here.  

The Southern Bay of San Francisco is the location of Silicon Valley 

Driving down the Silicon Valley from Oakland, California

Crossing the Bay to Palo Alto from Fremont. (Try spotting San Francisco in the picture)

No caption required for whose office is this

The nouveau riche, who are mostly in their youth, are on spending spree buying fancy cars and properties 
in the Bay Area. Prices in San Francisco have shot up beyond the reach for ordinary people

A majestic road and palm trees welcome you as you enter Stanford

The Oval lawn in front of the East entrance of Stanford. This is how they receive you

Stanford University - The iconic Hoover Tower and other buildings displaying Spanish architecture 

Pedestrian crossings are respected unlike in Asia where zebra-crossing is waste of paint

They also conduct classes under the tree. So I am not alone doing that 

David (to my immediate left) left a prestigious teaching position in Stanford to start a 
self-financed NGO to help children with learning difficulties. 

Driving back to San Francisco on Freeway No. 1, rated as the most beautiful freeway in the US

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Meeting my inspiration

Berkeley, CA -
There are people whom you meet just once, but who leave a huge impression in you. One such people is Reno Taini.

One of the highlights of my trip to the US is meeting up with him again. I met Reno some 12 years back in Bhutan. He was conducting a workshop for teachers in Punakha.

I was blown away by his zeal and energy that I invited him to come on my TV show "Q&A with Dorji Wangchuk". He talked about his works with troubled youth in the Bay area for which he has dedicated his entire life. He invented his famous wilderness program. He also alerted us that the violence among the urban youth in Bhutan (which we are seeing today) was coming and that we should be prepared for it. Unfortunately no one took notice of his words back then. If only…. 

Reno is responsible for my becoming a teacher now. He inspired me to dedicate some time for others - especially the youth; to make the abled ones fire towards their dreams and to work for those who have lost them.

He is an amazing guy. Although he has a PhD and got many offers, he decided to teach in a low-profile public school in Daly City near San Francisco and take care of the "difficult" kids in his town. Reno Taini was honoured by the State of California in 1982 as the State Teacher of the Year. And several times thereafter. He self-financed and created the much-acclaimed Wilderness School which is captured in a fascinating documentary - Reno's Kids (1987). His program inspired me to include it as a sub-plot in my feature film, Nazhoen Chharo (2008). He was also honoured by his alma mater, San Franciso State University to represent them. He helped hundreds of troubled youth to only get back their lives; some even won congressional medals for their services to the community. He was even called upon by the US State Department and the Department of Defence to help the Vietnam and Iraq war veterans. He appeared in countless radio and TV shows and of course in newspapers. He still continues to do so.  

He has again been called by the US federal government to do something about the mental issues that the American youth are facing.

Reno honoured by the State of California on many occasions
He has long retired from the school but not from his convictions and his works. He still talks, and only, about how much there is to do and how many people he could help. He almost goes into tears when I share the few things I did, which is no where near what he did. Still, as a good mentor, he gives me high-five for every small story of success, perseverance and dreams that I have restored for others.

All these years that I have known him, Reno kept inspiring me and encouraging me in whatever I did.

Grazie, Reno, for being an inspiration.

Reno invited me and my friends over for dinner at his farm and had a terrific surprise - a ride on the 
Dodge jeep used during World War II by General George Patton. Reno bought this thing and worked 
on it for 30 years to bring it back to life. What an honour to be riding on the same jeep! When I 
was a kid I saw the film 'Patton' with George Scott and ever since I remained deeply impressed
 by the Gen. Patton.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Letter from America

San Francisco, CA -
America is a big country. There is no "one" single America that you can decide to love or to hate. America is too complex to be generalised or over-simplified. Whatever you say about this nation, the opposite is also equally true. 

One thing is certain though: you shouldn't believe how Hollywood or the media portrays this country. Other than that you explore this diverse and fascinating places on your own.

This is what I found out (of America that I didn't know). 

Americans love foreign culture because there is no such thing as an "American" culture. 
On 5th July 2014, 26,000 people gathered at AT&T Park just to watch 
the live telecast of La Traviata - an opera by Giuseppe Verdi (Italian)
Few things I personally don't like about America - Coca Cola and McDonalds. 
As a coffee addict, I forgive Starbucks (sorry for this bias)

Americans give back a lot to their alma mater. Almost everything you see in 
Berkeley campus are donated by the alumni. (Sathier Gate by Mr. Peder Sathier)

The Godfather's original table. Seeing it for real after, I don't know how many 
times I saw in the movie, was a nice feeling 

The closest that I can get to the Oscars. With the five Academy Awards that Francis won. 

Walk in the Cloud. Francis Coppola's Winery in Napa, California inspired me to
consider retiring as a farmer when I am done with my "working" life.

UC Berkeley has raised more money in one campaign than what Bhutan has as its national foreign currency reserve. This something we Bhutanese can learn from the Americans

The Americans respect their heroes in every small way. What do we do with 
ours (Druk Thukseys)? We forget them or, often, squander them

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

It is contentment, stupid

Part 1/2

In recent years so much has been written, talked about and discussed on the topic of happiness - or the lack of it in today’s world. And what spurred this debate was a quote from the former King of Bhutan, His Majesty Jigme Singye Wangchuck. In 1979, pestered by an Indian journalist* while transiting at Bombay Airport, His Majesty stated that "for Bhutan, gross national happiness (GNH) was more important than gross national product".

Despite low GDP, Bhutanese are generally content with life   
While the King never elaborated further, on that famous statement, what one can deduce, considering the context and circumstances under which His Majesty made that remark, is that he really didn’t mean happiness per se. What His Majesty could have meant by gross national happiness (and I hope someday I could confirm this) was contentment. And by this it means that he wanted his people to be content whatever the annual per capita income may be. During that period Bhutan's annual GNP per capita was in fact just USD 35, the lowest in the world. But the Bhutanese people were generally happy - as they are now.

Nevertheless, His Majesty steered the country for 34 years based on this unique philosophy. He also lived according to his own dictum; preferring a 3-room log cabin in the outskirts of Thimphu (where he continues to live today) to the massive Dechencholing Palace. He abdicated in 2006 (at 51) and leads an ordinary (read extraordinary) life. He never travelled out of Bhutan for pleasure.

Back to our topic, is there then a difference between happiness and contentment? 

At first glance one would think that both concepts were the same. But on closer scrutiny there is a huge difference. A happy person is obviously contented, at least temporarily; but a contented person may or may not be happy. A poor widow with seven children and living in the slums of Mumbai may live quite a contented life if she can feed them while also coming to terms with her conditions in some ways. On the other hand, a millionaire who throws wild parties every night would get bursts of happiness but may not be content  inside. 

The search for contentment is however not easy. It is something that every individual on the planet would grapple with for eternity. 

So, let us illustrate the three key differences between the two concepts.

Time scale – Happiness, especially as it is understood in the west is transitory and temporary. It is a fleeting moment – a result of some pleasure seeking activities. You are happy on a Sunday afternoon and grumpy the next morning as you drive to work. Whereas, contentment is permanent. It is there all the time – deep inside you, on weekends as well as on hard weekdays.

Subjectivity– Happiness is subjective. It varies from person to person, from communities to communities and even between nations. What makes one happy may not make another person happy. Or something that works for a nation happy may not work for another country. Contentment is absolute. Fundamental contentment is the indestructible sense of wellbeing that cuts across nations, cultures, communities and traditions.

Subliminal – Happiness is apparent and tangible. A happy face glows with smiles, laughter and delight. A contented person may or may not show these signs. But the contented person is calm, composed and in peace; no matter what happens in the vicinity. He is neither shaken by tragedies nor does he go euphoric with temporary excitements.

Achievability – Unlike happiness that is subjective and thus unachievable, contentment is something that is absolutely reachable. Achieving contentment means accepting what one has and what one is - a goal that each one of us, rich, poor, ugly, handsome can all strive for and go for it. 

Good luck to all. 


* The Indian journalist is supposed to have asked the King, "We don't know anything about your country. To start with, what is the per capita income of Bhutan?"

** I am collaborating on an exciting research on decoding the science of contentment with UC Berkeley and Yale University. Here is our lead researcher Dr. Daniel Cordaro speaking at Being Human Institute in San Francisco

Sunday, July 6, 2014

My first day in America

“Ladies and gentleman, we have now started our descent for San Francisco. Please fasten your seat belts, fold back your tables and put your seats upright. The local time in San Francisco is now 9.45 am”. A soothing announcement comes from the flight deck of the All Nippon Airways (ANA) – one of  my favourite airlines. I am on my maiden trip to the USA – the 34th country I would be travelling to.

During my long years in Italy as a student I was never really too attracted to America. I rather preferred to explore the more culturally-rich and diverse Europe. Then in my professional career expanding to some 20 years I operated mostly in the region of Asia and, of course, Europe. This time, however, I accepted the invitation from my friends in Berkeley mainly because of an exciting research we are venturing into - finding fundamental contentment (distinct from the much-hyped happiness) through the use of modern media and the science of psychology.

The journey to the US is long. I cross 10 time zones since I got on the plane in New Delhi. Night fell twice as we first flew to Tokyo where we transited for 3 hours before catching a connecting flight to San Francisco - enduring another 10 hours of air travel. Still, thanks to the time difference I would manage to reach on the same day as when I started off. My aim is to make it for the Independence Day celebration, which my friends insisted on not missing it. I used the trick from the book Around the World in Eighty Days. I took the East route, which was also little shorter in times of flying time. 

Daniel and Lisa, my good friends and also my co-researchers, pick me up excitedly from the airport; and after depositing the luggages at their place we shoot straight for Oakland Yacht Club for a barbecue party - a traditional style to celebrate the Independence Day in the US. There we meet Don and his wife Gail. Don, a former executive with Apple (he worked with Steve Jobs), is preparing his 36 feet yacht to race towards Hawaii in few days time.

Then to end the day in style, we watch the beautiful fireworks over the Bay area, which thanks to the (in)famous fogs of San Francisco, are unique in that we can see only the lower half of the fire sparks with the upper side creating some mild flashes like lightnings in the clouds. 

Day ends as I collapse on the pillow having tried my best and succeeded in staying awake despite the 14-hours jet lag.

Welcome to America.

Taking it slow. In Alamo Square enjoying the terrific view of downtown San Francisco

At AT&T Park - the home of San Francisco Giants